never play flip cup with pint glasses
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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