I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
