Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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