this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
