I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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