white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
