everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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