true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize