erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
