he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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