I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
