so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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