6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
