it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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