so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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