He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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