Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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