i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
