You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I believe in your delicious
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
