OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
