I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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