do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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