oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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