names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you never un-have a 4some
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
