I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
