he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
