Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
is wine microwaveable?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
