why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
