I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
