So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she told me i tasted like america
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
