i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Someone came in the potted fern
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
