We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
