I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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