The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
