I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
