his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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