i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
