i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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