It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
