My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
