Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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