Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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