So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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