So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She needs sedatives and a leash
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
