I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
