So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
