It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
