There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
