I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
