its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
tell me about the fingering
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