i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
