She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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