Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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