What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize