I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The power of my boobs compel you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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