My friends, they love my intelligence
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
