It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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