I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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