I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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