I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
