Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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