just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
