I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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