I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
