Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
