I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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