maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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