About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
